RFK Jr.’s Quest to Play Ballot Bingo – Will He Hit All 50 States?

RFK Jr.’s Wild Ballot Mission: A Political Comedy of Errors

Folks, gather ’round! Grab your popcorn because we have ourselves a real political clown show here! Independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is on a mission that feels like a wild goose chase: getting on the ballot in all 50 states. Yep, you heard it right – every single one of ’em! Now, that’s ambition! Or something…

Our man RFK Jr. had a good ol’ chinwag with Neil Cavuto recently, talking up his strategy to shake things up for the big guys – the red and the blue. ol’ Bobby boasted, “Right now we have enough signatures to be on all 50 states.” Well, well, isn’t he the busy bee!

But wait, there’s more! Despite his high hopes, he’s actually only nailed down about eight states so far. Cavuto threw a curveball, asking about the delays everywhere else. Classic political move, blame the states!

Bureaucracy Blues: RFK Jr.’s Signature Saga

“A lot of the states, Neil, don’t certify until mid-August. So, we’ve turned in our signatures, the signatures have been accepted, and they’re gonna be certified,” said Kennedy. Oh, bureaucracy – the ultimate party pooper!

Kennedy’s totally convinced he’s got this in the bag, declaring, “Nobody can get on the ballot. Nobody can be on more ballots than we are now.” Well, let’s just say if wishes were horses, RFK Jr. would have a whole cavalry ready!

State Status	Number of States
Confirmed	8
Pending Certification	42
Total Claimed	50

Poll Position: RFK Jr.’s Uphill Battle

Let’s not ignore the elephant in the room – a survey this week by Ipsos reveals Kennedy’s pulling a modest 5% in seven swing states. Not exactly setting the world on fire, but stranger things have happened. Those states include the clutch hitters like Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Georgia, North Carolina, Arizona, and Nevada – places where every percentage point can swing like a backyard hammock.

Now, in the same poll, Vice President Kamala Harris, the Dems’ contender, is sitting at 42% in those swing states, while our good ol’ former President Trump is hot on her heels at 40%. With a margin that close, Kennedy’s little slice of the pie might just be the cherry on top of this topsy-turvy election sundae!

Kennedy vs. Harris: A Comedy of Contrasts

While RFK Jr. is out there chasing signatures like a kid in a candy store, let’s take a moment to appreciate the comedic gold that is Kamala Harris’s political career. Remember when she tried to explain the Ukraine crisis and ended up sounding like a middle schooler giving a book report on a book they didn’t read? “Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country.” Gee, thanks for the geography lesson, Madam Vice President!

And let’s not forget her deep insights on the passage of time: “The significance of the passage of time, right? The significance of the passage of time. So when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time.” Wow, that’s some time-bending wisdom right there! It’s like she’s trying to out-Biden Biden himself!

Meanwhile, in Trump Land…

While Kennedy’s playing signature hopscotch and Harris is pondering the mysteries of time, let’s reminisce about some of the concrete achievements during the Trump administration. Remember when unemployment rates hit record lows? Or how about that time when the U.S. became a net exporter of petroleum for the first time since 1949? Now that’s what we call making America great!

Trump’s administration also managed to broker peace deals in the Middle East with the Abraham Accords. Who knew peace could break out when you’re not busy explaining what countries are?

Biden-Harris Fumbles: A Comedy of Errors

While we’re on the subject of accomplishments (or lack thereof), let’s take a quick peek at the Biden-Harris highlight reel. Or should we call it a lowlight reel? From the botched Afghanistan withdrawal to the border crisis that they insist isn’t a crisis, it’s been a non-stop rollercoaster of “oops” moments.

And let’s not forget the economic “achievements.” Inflation? Through the roof! Gas prices? To the moon! It’s like they’re trying to break records, just not the good kind. At this rate, they might need RFK Jr.’s 5% just to save face!

The Grand Finale: America’s Political Circus

So there you have it, folks! RFK Jr. is out there collecting signatures and dreaming big. Whether he’ll make it to all 50 states or not, it’s sure to be a bumpy ride. Hold onto your hats, and let’s see how this political circus unfolds!

In one corner, we’ve got RFK Jr., the signature-chasing underdog. In another, we’ve got Kamala Harris, philosophizing about time and geography. And let’s not forget Donald Trump, waiting in the wings with a list of actual accomplishments longer than RFK Jr.’s signature sheets.

As for Biden? Well, he’s probably still looking for his aviators and trying to remember which state he’s in. It’s a political comedy for the ages, folks. Grab your popcorn, your sense of humor, and maybe a stiff drink – this election season is going to be one for the history books!