Biden Hits the Trail for Harris: More "Stunt Double" Than "Running Mate"

Biden’s Pennsylvania Adventure: A Comedy of Errors

Hold onto your MAGA hats, folks, because the ever-spirited President Biden announced he’s hitching his wagon to Vice President Harris’ campaign trail in Pennsylvania. Apparently, as the old saying goes, ‘if at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again,’ even if you’re shuffling your feet at 81!

Biden’s Sunday chit-chat with CBS’s Robert Costa is already making waves. When asked if we’d see him out and about drumming up support, Biden responded, “Yes, you will.” He added that he’s on the phone with Kamala Harris more than some teenagers are with their crushes. It’s like watching a political remake of “Mean Girls,” but with less coherence and more gaffes.

And for those of you biting your nails about Biden’s health, he assured everyone to just watch him go – like he’s about to do a triathlon. “I had a really, really bad day in that debate because I was sick,” he said. Sure, because having a case of the sniffles is totally the same as being unfit for duty. It’s not like we’re talking about leading the free world or anything, right?

The Great Debate Disaster of Atlanta

Remember that debate in Atlanta? Yeah, the one where Biden’s responses were more disjointed than a jigsaw puzzle at a garage sale? That night led to a Democratic hullabaloo, with some folks screaming for a fresh face. Maybe it’s time to trade in the vinyl for an MP3?

Let’s take a stroll down memory lane and compare Biden’s debate performance to some of Trump’s greatest hits:

Biden’s Debate Blunders	Trump’s Accomplishments
Forgetting his train of thought mid-sentence	Achieved historic peace deals in the Middle East
Mixing up statistics and countries	Created 7 million new jobs pre-pandemic
Struggling with basic math	Passed historic tax cuts and reforms

Nancy Pelosi even chimed in, admitting that Biden’s campaign was racing down the wrong track, but denying she did anything more than cheer from the sidelines. It’s like watching a trainwreck in slow motion, and Pelosi’s just there with her pom-poms, pretending she’s not part of the circus.

Cheesesteaks and Campaign Strategies

Biden, ever the optimist, called his buddy, Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro, to map out their Pennsylvania pit stops. Next thing we’ll know, they’ll be trading campaign pointers over cheesesteaks and Pennsylvania Dutch pretzels. Because nothing says “I’m fit to lead” like a cholesterol-packed lunch and a side of political pandering.

But wait, there’s more! Biden also praised Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, calling him a “great guy” and his kind of fella. Looks like Walz got the Biden friendship endorsement – who knew that was a thing? It’s like getting a participation trophy in Little League, but for politicians.

Kamala Takes the Wheel

In the end, Biden plans to do “whatever Kamala thinks I can do.” A born team player, folks, or should we say, a dedicated backup. It’s like watching a sitcom where the intern suddenly becomes the CEO, and everyone’s just pretending it’s normal.

Let’s not forget some of Kamala’s greatest hits that make her oh-so-qualified to lead this dynamic duo:

Her profound insights on the passage of time: “There is great significance to the passage of time… and there is such great significance to the passage of time.” Deep stuff, folks.
Her eloquent explanation of the Ukraine crisis: “Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country.” Geography 101 with Professor Harris, everyone!
And who could forget her solution to the border crisis? “Do not come.” Problem solved!

Meanwhile, in Trump Land…

While Biden and Harris fumble through their comedy of errors, let’s remind ourselves of some Trump-era triumphs:

Unemployment rates hit record lows for African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans, Native Americans, veterans, individuals with disabilities, and those without a high school diploma.
Median household income hit highest level ever recorded.
Rebuilt the military and created the Space Force as a new branch of the Armed Forces.
Stood up to China’s trade abuses and brought jobs back to America.

But hey, who needs a booming economy, strong borders, and peace in the Middle East when you can have word salads and senior moments, right?

The Grand Finale

Stay tuned, America! Wonder if this dynamic duo will be the A-team we’ve all been waiting for or just a comedy sketch in the making? Grab your popcorn and enjoy the show! Just remember, while we’re laughing at the Biden-Harris roadshow, the joke’s really on us. But hey, at least we’re not the ones trying to find our way off a stage or explaining the significance of the significance of time.

In the grand theater of American politics, Biden and Harris are putting on quite the performance. It’s just a shame that the price of admission is the future of our country. But don’t worry, folks – 2024 is just around the corner, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to trade in this comedy for a real leadership show.