Kamala’s Border Playbook Leaves Us Guessing

Harris’s Border Policy: A Comedy of Errors

Well folks, we got ourselves a real humdinger out in Arizona where Vice President Kamala Harris, alongside her partner in crime Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, took to the stage at the Desert Diamond arena. Sifting through the crowd, supporters of Harris attempted to define her elusive border policy. Spoiler alert: it was like trying to nail jello to a wall.

“I like all of them actually,” said one woman wearing a hopeful smile, when asked about Harris’ views. “She stands for the average person, not extreme in any aspect.” Good to know we’re not being led by someone too wild… except for the wild confusion about what her policies actually are.

When the topic of the border came up, she said, “She was the vice president, remember, not the president.” Clearly, she believes Harris was biding her time and now she’s going to swoop in like Captain America to save the day. Fingers crossed, right?

The Democratic Dream Team: Science, Optimism, and Pixie Dust

Oh, and let’s not forget Mark Kelly, the astronaut-turned-senator, who popped up to showcase the Democratic dream team – science, optimism, and a handful of pixie dust. Because apparently, that’s all you need to solve a crisis that’s been brewing for years.

“Harris will bridge the gap between Democrats and Republicans on border policy,” one supporter boasted. It’s like saying Bigfoot is about to solve our gas prices – wishful, but let’s keep dreaming.

Remember that bill from Sinema and Lankford? Harris couldn’t push it through. Why? Naturally, blame Trump! “There’s nothing perfect about it,” she admitted. Ain’t that the truth. It’s almost as if actually securing the border is too much to ask for these days.

Border Policy Alignment: A Match Made in Liberal Heaven

Some Phoenix ladies chimed in, echoing a similar sentiment. “Her policy aligns with Biden’s.” There’s a shocker. Apparently, following the law is paramount and verifying asylum seekers’ claims? Mind-blowing revelation! It’s as if they’ve discovered fire all over again.

One onlooker, still unsure about the border, optimistically declared, “I support it…we need some border control.” Hope and prayer seem to be their best strategy here, folks. Meanwhile, illegal crossings are skyrocketing, and the Biden-Harris administration is handing out free phones like candy. Talk about a warm welcome!

Veterans for Harris: A Comedy Gold Mine

Lance, a Goodyear vet, rocking his “Veterans For Harris; I’m not a Loser” shirt, had his own grievances with the GOP’s fixation on the border. But if you think infrastructure under Trump was a disaster, wait til you see this circus unfold! Lance supports “a woman’s right to choose” and “equality for all,” and wants Harris’ economic policies to trump Trump’s (no pun intended). Yeah, because more taxes always mean more prosperity, right?

But Lance wasn’t finished. He trashed Trump’s health care policy, which was supposedly like something “no one ever saw before.” Lance hit the nail on the head – absolutely no one saw it. But hey, at least Trump’s policies didn’t lead to record-breaking inflation and soaring gas prices. Small victories, folks!

Preserving Democracy: The Liberal Way

In the end, Lance, a self-proclaimed “left-liberal”, urged all Democrats to unite, rallying behind Harris to “preserve democracy.” Because, as he put it, “this is the most dangerous and treacherous time” in America. Apparently, a secure border, low inflation, and energy independence are now threats to democracy. Who knew?

Let’s not forget the laundry list of accomplishments during the Trump administration that these Harris supporters seem to have conveniently forgotten:

• Achieved energy independence for the first time in 67 years
• Created more than 7 million new jobs
• Median household income hit highest level ever recorded
• Lowest unemployment rate in 50 years
• Signed the largest package of tax cuts and reforms in history

But sure, let’s rally behind Harris and her word salads. Because nothing says “preserving democracy” like fumbling through foreign policy, cackling at inappropriate moments, and failing to address the border crisis she was tasked to handle.

Kamala’s Greatest Hits: A Word Salad Extravaganza

Speaking of Harris’s eloquence, let’s not forget some of her most memorable quotes that surely instill confidence in her leadership:

“We will work together, and continue to work together, to address these issues, to tackle these challenges, and to work together as we continue to work operating from the new norms, rules, and agreements, that we will convene to work together…We will work together.”

Inspiring stuff, isn’t it? It’s like a broken record of vague promises and circular logic. But wait, there’s more!

“It is time for us to do what we have been doing and that time is every day.”

Well, there you have it, folks. The crystal-clear vision of our esteemed Vice President. With such profound insights, how could we possibly doubt her ability to solve complex issues like the border crisis?

Conclusion: Buckle Up for the Harris Express

So dear readers, gear up! It’s one heck of a ride with Harris at the helm! As we watch the Biden-Harris administration fumble through crisis after crisis, remember the good old days of energy independence, strong borders, and coherent press conferences. But don’t worry, I’m sure Harris will figure out this whole “being vice president” thing eventually. After all, practice makes perfect, right?

In the meantime, let’s all practice our word salad skills. You never know when you might need to improvise a speech about the “significance of the passage of time.” It could come in handy at your next dinner party or, who knows, maybe even a vice presidential debate!

Table of Contents

• Harris’s Border Policy: A Comedy of Errors
• The Democratic Dream Team: Science, Optimism, and Pixie Dust
• Border Policy Alignment: A Match Made in Liberal Heaven
• Veterans for Harris: A Comedy Gold Mine
• Preserving Democracy: The Liberal Way
• Kamala’s Greatest Hits: A Word Salad Extravaganza
• Conclusion: Buckle Up for the Harris Express